Saturday, 7 March 2009

Boiled as an Owl,

'Trolleyed', 'Boiled as an Owl', 'Sauced' and 'Shitfaced' are all common words for being intoxicated. Most decent, upstanding sorts keep the right side of the law and stick to imbibing alcoholic concoctions for their kicks, however we'd like to draw the worthy attention of you, our comely readers, to herbal teas.

Long have slogans such as "activating the body and strengthening the mind" been touted on the boxes of herbal teas. Some even make such rash promises as "a healthy and natural pleasure is guaranteed". We decided to see if it's possible to get muntered from a standard, off the supermarket shelf, herbal tea...

Starting the night slowly with a nice Twinings camomile tea proved to have little effect, so we soon switched to what we thought was the hard stuff, Tesco's own brand invigorating tea! Most of the people i live with will tell you that this tea smells a lot like old man's piss. These are the kinds of sacrifices we make.

Previously I would have imagined that if a parallel was to be drawn between the veritable smorgasbord of herbal teas on sale and the vast spectrum of illegals, this tasty tea would doubtlessly draw lateral comparisons with crystal meth. However after five cups I found myself let down and uninvigorated.

No matter how much tea was drunk, (and even if like a greedy boggle eyed raver two tea bags were "double dropped" into the same cup) no effect other than a full bladder was noted. Roobash.

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