Tuesday, 20 March 2007

An Interview With a Food Facist



This man claims to be a culinary genius, he has extremely strongly held beliefs about all aspects of food. Lamb? 'too fatty', Bananas? 'disgusting', Pears? 'what's wrong with the skin', Granary Bread? 'the texture's all wrong'. We aim to expose his dark heart.

In three words describe yourself?
Egg Fried Rice!

Favourite nosh?
egg fried rice.

Culinary pet hates?
Vegetables - I like organic vegetables! Which is why i don't usually buy them. I don't know where any good food markets are round here. I don't buy from supermarkets it's just not good quality.

What would you define as good quality my boy?
Good quality is nicely ripened. Good flavour. Seasonal. Not flown in from feckin India where it's hot all the time. Good quality food!

Have you heard of master-chef Jeremy La Varara-Medlock-Smith?
He was on the Louis Theroux special last week right?

If you could only have a fork, a knife or a spoon, which would you choose?
A spork?
Sorry not allowed...
Well a knife then. Clearly. A weapon and an eating implement. I could literally kill two birds with one stone.
(followed by manic laughter)

Finally, would you say 'no' to a baby seal pancake?
On principle I would. Yes definitely. I am, however, a bit of a food tourist and as they say, when in Rome, or in this case Toronto do as the Canooks would. A baby seal pancake is satisfying, filling and healthy! Especially if you've seen it's poor clubbed brain splatter onto your shoe. Revenge is sweet. Yes Yes.

Thanks for your time and questionable views food facist, goodbye!

Disclaimer, at the very most 10% of this interview was actually said in real life and not in my head...

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